In the last few months I had completely forgotten the things that drive me.
It seems like a drill every day night day night.
Week after Week.
Month after month.
Will this change? If yes, how.
If no, why?

why this struggle with myself ? wanting to be independent and dependent at the same time ? Why is there always a clash of thoughts with myself and why does my independent self always win? more then winning, why does this make me feel better? Is this because of my pattern of life that I cant change or I dont want to change? Why am I so apprehensive of letting go and being dependent ? I really dont want this constant fight and struggle, its not bad, but till the time this fight lasts it makes me really miserable.

what is it about a new year? what is it so different then every new day? Do we really need to make such a big deal of it?

Its been nearly two months that I am trying to figure out what is that makes me happy, why has it suddenly become so elusive? Its quite scary since the feeling has been increasing of late and even though I feel i dont know that makes me happy I seem to be content. But, there is something thats not usual, still trying to figure out.

Finding Happines...

apart from what one hears and reads about finding happiness, what if you dont know the things that make you happy?